Garfield Uses His Smarts
by Ellis97
Summary: In today's story, Garfield instructs us on how to deal with a mailman when Herman is on vacation. Then, Orson switches places with another pig as part of an exchange program. Finally, Jon is stuck dealing with an unwelcome guest who is even worse to have around than Garfield.
1. How to Deal With a Mailman

**Author's Note:**

 **Looks like it's time for another adventure with Garfield and his friends. Today, we are going to see this lovable fat cat in one of his greatest hobbies yet: harassing a mailman!**

* * *

Our story opens up in the cul-de-sac, where we see the local mailman, Herman Post going on and about his usual route.

"Well, I think that's everything..." he said to himself. "All that's left is..."

He turned around and saw Garfield's house right in front of him, where he was stricken with fear.

"No! No! No! No! No!" Herman stammered. "Anything but that! Anything but that!"

After stuttering for a bit, Herman finally calmed down.

He sighed. "No rain or snow or cat will prevent me from delivering my mail!"

Herman stepped on one of the tiles on the sidewalk and all of a sudden, the tile sprung up into the air and caused him to fall down the chimney and into the fireplace (which was luckily, put out).

"Why me?" he sighed.

Garfield walked to the mailman and started laughing at his predicament.

"Another mailman trap by me, Garfield the Cat!" He said in his thoughts.

Jon then walked down the hall and saw Herman in the fireplace. "Well whaddya know? The mailman got tricked again."

He helped Herman get up from the fireplace.

"Thanks Mr. Arbuckle, that's the third time this week I've been tricked by that cat of yours." Herman said as he brushed the ashes off his uniform. "I can't take it anymore! I need to deliver this mail without that cat tricking me!"

"Maybe you just need a vacation, Herman." said Jon. "Have someone take your place while you're away, and then you have enough energy and confidence to return to delivering mail."

"You know, that's a great idea, Jon!" Herman exclaimed. "I'll take that vacation and have someone endure the pain I have put up with all those years!"

Garfield eavesdropped on the two. "Mailman substitute, huh? I think I can fix that!"

At the post office, the head mailman, Mr. Letterman called all the mailmen for a meeting.

"Ten hut!" He sternly told them.

The mailmen all lined up in a single-filed line. "Sir yes, sir!"

"Now as you know, we are mailmen!" Letterman barked.

"Right!" the mailmen said in unison.

"And our sole purpose in the world is to deliver mail to everyone right on time..." Letterman continued.

"Yes sir!" the mailmen saluted.

"No rain, snow, or whatever shall prevent us from doing our jobs..." Letterman continued.

"Sir yes sir!" the mailmen repeated.

"And when there are circumstances beyond our control, we must take the place of our fellow mailman while he is dead or gone temporarily!" Letterman finished.

"Sir yes sir!" the mailmen continued saluting.

"Good!" Letterman nodded. "Now, Herman Post is going on his vacation and needs someone to take over his route. Apparently, there's this cat named Garfield, who-"

Just then, the other mailmen zipped out of the room out of fear of our favorite feline. All except one young man.

"Well Stu, looks like you're the last candidate." said Letterman. "You've got guts kid. Are you sure you can handle this horrible demon?"

"Demon? P'shaw, at mailman school, they taught us there is no such thing as a bad route, or a bad citizen." said Stu. "I'm sure this is just some lousy rumor like there's a mountain with presidents' faces on it."

Letterman saluted. "It's your funeral, cadet..."

* * *

 **NOW FOLKS! IT'S TIME FOR GARFIELD'S STEPS ON HOW TO HANDLE A MAILMAN!**

 **STEP ONE. PUT UP A FRONT!**

On Stu's first day as acting mailman, he went up to the Arbuckle house, ready to debunk those so-called "rumors" about Garfield.

Inside the house, Garfield saw Stu ready to deliver the mail, which made him all the ready to pull off his little stunt.

He walked out of the pet door and started purring up to the young mailman.

"You know you're supposed to put up an act before your evil plan is set in motion..." Garfield looked at the viewer. "Even if it means to lose a bit of dignity."

"Awww..." Stu stroked Garfield's fur. "You must be Garfield. I can't believe people said those awful rumors about you. You're no demon, you're just a sweet little pussycat."

"We'll see about that." Garfield thought.

* * *

 **STEP TWO. START OFF WITH SOMETHING SIMPLE!**

The very next day, Garfield saw Stu about to deliver the mail again. He was ready to pull off the next phase of his dastardly stunt.

Stu put the letters into the mail slot, but as soon as they got inside, Garfield put them back out. Stu noticed this and put the letters back into the slot, but Garfield threw them out again. Stu put them back in, but they just came back out. Stu put them back in again, but this time, used his hands to block the slot. However, the mail came out of the pet door instead, so Stu blocked it with his foot. When he put the mail back into the door, Garfield shot the mail out of the door window and into Stu's mouth.

"Phase two complete!" Garfield thought as he opened the door, took the mail from Stu's mouth, and slammed the door, which caused Stu to fall onto the concrete.

* * *

 **STEP THREE. START TO GET TRICKY!**

The next day, Stu was more than determined to get past that pesky cat, so he put the mail in the slot really quick. He stopped to look at the slot to make sure nothing came out of it and to his relief, nothing did.

As soon as Stu went back to the truck, the letters started to walk right out of the pet door and right towards him.

He gasped in terror. "No! No! Get away from me! You can't do that! No! NOOOOOO!"

Stu ran back to the truck, stepped right on the gas pedal, and zoomed right down the street.

As soon as he was out of sight, Garfield came out of the house with some cheese for the mice who were controlling the letters.

"Here you go, guys." Garfield handed them some blocks of cheese. "Just as promised."

Squeak popped the cheese into his mouth. "Thanks Garfield, you know I wouldn't distrust a prize of cheese."

* * *

 **STEP FOUR. START TO PLAY DIRTY!**

The next day, Stu started to try to give himself some weapons on trying to stop Garfield.

"This water gun should stop that frisky freak." He thought as he headed to the house.

As soon as Stu stepped on the doormat, Garfield pulled a lever he was hiding from behind the bushes and ejected Stu up into the air, and down the chimney.

Garfield went inside and saw Stu in the fireplace, all ashy and covered in soot.

"Awww, you look filthy, let me clean you up." Garfield grabbed Stu's water pistol and shot him with water.

* * *

 **STEP FIVE. CROSS THE LINE TWICE!**

The very next day, Stu hid inside a bush to avoid any of Garfield's traps. Just as he was about to go onto the front doormat, Garfield was right there with some sort of red whistle.

"AAAHHH!" Stu jumped in shock. "No! NO! NO! NO!"

Garfield blew the whistle really hard, but nothing came out of it. In case you didn't guess, this was a special dog whistle, which was so loud that only dogs could hear it. Just then, some dogs surrounded Stu, looking all angry and snarling.

"AAAAHHHHH!" Stu shouted as the dogs pounced on him and started attacking him.

"Now this is something worth talking about." Garfield thought.

Stu ran back to the post office, his uniform all torn up and his eyes all crazy-looking. "Please! Get me off that route! Please! Send me to a toxic waste dump! Anywhere but that place!"

Letterman sighed. "This always happens..."

"Please..." Stu sobbed and pathetically begged.

Letterman picked up the phone to call Herman. "Hello Herman...yes I know but...please come back...$100 raise...okay $200...deal! Congrats, Stu you're off the route."

Stu started jumping for joy and dancing in the streets, relieved and joyous to be rid of Garfield forever. While he was doing that, Garfield observed him from afar.

"Well, looks like Herman is coming back." Garfield thought as he saw Stu dancing crazily. "Time to go home and have some food."

* * *

 **STEP SIX. REWARD YOURSELF HANDSOMELY!**

Garfield went home, where he started eating his cat food happily. At that same time, Jon and Lyman were checking the mail.

"Gee, I wonder why the mail is all messed up?" Lyman wondered as he looked at his letters.

"That's what happens when you have to put up with Garfield." Jon deadpanned.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Looks like no mailman can outsmart Garfield, especially a substitute mailman. However, Garfield will have to outsmart a much bigger fish later on. In the meantime though, let's get down to U.S Acres! I heard that Orson has some news for his friends. Stay tuned.**


	2. The Barnyard Exchange Program

Our story opens up on US Acres, where we see Orson leading his barnyard friends for their harvest.

"Booker, Sheldon, get that corn over for Roy to shuck." He said to the chicks, who were pulling a cart of fresh corn. "Our customer is coming for it tomorrow."

"Sure thing, Orson." said Booker.

"You got it!" Sheldon nodded.

Just then, Bo came by with a wagon full of corn.

"Bo! Lanolin! You go help Roy shuck the corn!" Orson told the sheep.

"Like uh, sure thing, mon captain piggo!" Bo saluted.

"Whatever." Lanolin rolled her eyes.

Orson then turned to Wade. "Wade! I hope you remember what you're supposed to do!"

"Of course, I must stay here where it's nice and safe and free from danger." Wade said.

"No! You have to get those bales of hay to the field for the horses to eat." Orson reminded him.

"Why must you torture me, Orson?" Wade sighed as he picked up the bales of hay.

"Because I am a leader, and a leader must make sure everyone is working hard, responsible, useful, and always right on time." Orson responded.

"Fair enough." Wade groaned.

* * *

At the end of the day, Orson and the gang sat down at the table for some nice dinner.

"So everyone, I hope you enjoyed your work shifts today, cause I have some big news." said Orson.

"You've found the lost city of Atlantis?" Booker asked.

"Nope." Orson shook his head.

"You've got three days to live?" Lanolin smirked.

"Nope." Orson shook his head.

"You're really part-badger?" Bo asked.

"Nope." Orson shook his head. "Give up?"

"We gave up the minute you asked." Lanolin deadpanned.

"Well, here it is..." Orson cleared his throat. "I've enrolled into the Barnyard Exchange Program."

"The what?" the animals asked in unison.

"The Barnyard Exchange Program." Orson explained. "It is a program where workers from different farms switch places for a week and it starts tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" asked Booker. "What does that mean?"

"It means I'm going away for a while, and a leader from another farm is going to be in my place." Orson explained. "I'll just be gone for a week."

"So like, who's the dude that's gonna be in your place, man?" asked Bo.

"I haven't figured out yet." said Orson. "That's for you to know and find out."

* * *

The next day, Orson went on a bus to the farm he was staying at for the week.

"Okay guys, I'll call you when I arrive at the farm." he told his friends. "The guy should be arriving here at any minute."

"So long Ors." Roy waved goodbye.

"Don't forget to write to us of your time at the new farm." Booker added.

"Smell ya in a week." Lanolin remarked.

"If you're scared, the feeling is mutual." Wade said meekly.

"Like uh, hasta lumbego piggo!" Bo added.

As soon as the bus left, another bus containing Orson's replacement immediately arrived in front of the gang. Out stepped a pig with a hat, vest, bowtie, and glasses.

"Oh hey, you must be the guy who will visiting us for the week." said Booker.

"How nice of you to notice." the pig said dryly, then handed them some sort of business card. "Aloysius Pig. I'm your new substitute leader for the week."

"Substitute leader? Substitute leaders make me nervous..." Wade gulped.

Aloysius gasped. "How dare you! Being nervous of your leader! That's six demerits!"

Aloysius then started writing down demerits on his clipboard.

"Hey wait a minute, you can't give demerits, he was just feeling nervous." Lanolin told Aloysius.

"Questioning my authority! That's fifteen demerits!" Aloysius wrote down on his pad again.

Booker sighed. "I wonder if Orson is having this much trouble..."

* * *

Meanwhile, Orson finally arrived at the farm he was staying at.

"Here I am." He said. "This must be that guy's old farm."

Orson got off the bus and walked towards the entrance, but then he noticed something was wrong and a little familiar.

"Say...this place looks a little familiar..." He thought to himself. "Where have I..."

Just then, three large pigs jumped right in front of Orson, looking all evil and scary.

"Oh no..." Orson gulped. He knew the pigs.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't our little brother?" the older pigs laughed.

"Hey guys...what's up...?" Orson stammered.

"The sky little bro!" Mort laughed as he pointed at the sky.

"Why don't you go up and check it?" Gort said as he grabbed Orson and tossed him in the air.

"AAAAHHHHH!" Orson shouted as he flew sky high and landed in Wart's arms.

"How was that Orson?" Wart said mockingly.

"S-s-s-scary..." Orson stammered.

"Awww, don't worry, we'll throw less hard this time." said Gort.

Orson's brothers then tossed Orson up into the air even harder than before.

"NOT!" They laughed.

* * *

Back on the farm, the gang was still dealing with Aloysius' so-called, "leadership" and boy, was it a living nightmare. While he was writing on his clipboard, he saw Lanolin and Bo pushing some wheelbarrows.

"Stop right there, sheep!" He barked and marched over to the sheep. "What do you think you're doing?"

"We're skydiving, what does it look like we're doing?" Lanolin sarcastically said.

"I think what my sis means is that, we're like, taking these crops to the silo." Bo replied.

"Not without your abestos gloves, you're not!" Aloysius said as he put gloves on the sheep's hands. "Getting your filthy hands on a wheelbarrow and back-sassing me. That's twenty more demerits! Now get those crops to the silo at once or I shall give thirty demerits!"

Aloysius then walked over to Roy, who was practicing his horn. This made Aloysius very angry and he put a giant cork into the horn.

"Hey!" Roy shouted. "What do you think you're doing? I was finally going to hit that chord!"

"You were creating noise pollution, young man!" Aloysius preached as he wrote down on his clipboard. "Now the whole neighborhood will be ruined because of your lousy horn playing! That's thirty demerits!"

"Listen you!" Roy poked Aloysius' snout. "If you think I'm gonna let a little pig-"

"And I'll take that to make sure it never happens again!" Aloysius took Roy's horn. "Playing a horn in public without a permit...THAT'S NOT RIGHT!"

Aloysius then walked over to Wade and snatched off his inner tube. "And you! Take that tube off! This isn't a swimming pool!"

Wade gulped. "I feel naked and exposed."

"Unauthorized inner tube wearing and being naked in public, that's forty demerits!" Aloysius snapped as he wrote more stuff on his clipboard. "Now put on some pants before I take away your TV time!"

"Oh no! I now have fifty five demerits!" Wade panicked. "I am a felon! A bad influence! A villain!"

"Gee, that Aloysius guy sure is pretty uptight." said Booker.

"And bossy." Sheldon added. "I sure hope Orson is having a better time than we are."

* * *

Unfortunately, Orson was doing just as bad on the other farm. All day long, his brothers had spun him like a basketball, used him as a tennis ball, pulled his tail, and even tossed him in the slop bucket.

"Don't worry Ors, it'll slip off!" Gort laughed.

Orson took the bucket off and started to sulk over to a bench to relax. "Boy, I sure am having a rotten time. I wonder how the others are doing?"

He walked over to the pay phone to call his friends. After waiting for a while, the phone finally replied.

"Hello?" Roy said on the other line.

"Roy! It's me Orson!" Orson spoke into the phone. "How is it going?"

"Oh...we're doing just fine Orson..." Roy lied when he saw Aloysius looking at him. "Yep. Our new leader is doing an amazing job...he's playing with the chicks and giving us some great advice on how to grow crops better. How about you, buddy?"

"I'm doing just...fine as well..." Orson lied as he saw his brothers grinning right at him. "...the people are really showing me some great hospitality...bye."

Orson hung up the phone and felt awful for lying to his friends and what they said to him.

"They don't even miss me..." He sobbed.

* * *

Back on US Acres, Aloysius was with a customer, but things were not going too well.

"So who are you exactly?" asked the pig.

The customer explained himself. "My name is Shecky, and I used to be an alley cat, but then I went into the Comic World, and I sing on fences for dinner, and then I hung out with Garfield for a while and then he DITCHED me and-"

"Okay, that's enough." said Aloysius. "Are you here for any reason whatsoever?"

Shecky continued. "Well, I just came here to sing a little song I wrote for my captive audience and I really want to be a character for this show because-"

"Listen! I don't have time for any song and no, I can't do that! Just buy something or get out!" Aloysius snapped.

* * *

Back on the other farm, Orson was being put into a giant slingshot by his evil brothers.

"Put me down! Why are you guys doing this?" Orson pleaded.

"Because we are getting back at you!" said Gort.

"Yeah, remember when we were kids and you always were super mean to us?" asked Mort.

"What?" Orson asked, confused.

"Yeah!" Wart nodded. "You used to use us as the birdie in badminton!"

"And you used to pretend we were pinatas and whack us with sticks hoping candy would come out of our guts!" added Gort.

"Not to mention, use us as soccer balls and call us, 'runts!'" Mort finished.

"But that's all the stuff you guys did to me!" Orson reminded them. "You guys cheered when the farmer was taking me away from you."

"Don't be ridiculous, little brother! We're ready to forgive you. and we're gonna show you that by letting you test out our giant slingshot!" Gort said as he pulled the slingshot Orson was on.

Orson tried to speak. "But-"

"Bye bye!" said Orson's brothers as they let go of the slingshot and laughed at their little brother.

Orson was flung from the slingshot and right into the air, far out of his brother's farm. He flew into the air and sure enough, he landed right back in U.S Acres.

"Man...I guess I forgot how evil my brothers really were..." he groaned as he picked himself up off the ground. "Hey! What's that?"

Orson saw the gang at a meeting being held by a very furious Aloysius, who was giving them a very stern lecture.

"I can't believe I got stuck with such amateur ne'er do-wells like you!" Aloysius scolded them. "Of all the animals in all the farms I could've been in charge of, I get stuck with you twerps! You are gluttons for noise pollution and setting bad examples! That's not right!"

Just then, Orson arrived, much to the gang's shock. "So this is what happens? I leave for a couple of days, and you are already enjoying this guy more than me?!"

Wade stuttered. "Bu-bu-bu-but..."

"I don't care! Everything is that big palooka's fault!" Orson barked.

"How dare you deprecate me with such derogatory names? That's 800 demerits!" Aloysius wrote demerits on his notepad.

Orson got even more furious, grabbed the notepad, and threw it down to the ground. "Demerit this!"

Aloysius gasped. "Littering! The crime of crimes! This time you've gone too far, buster!"

"Then let's settle this with a pig-off!" Orson's nostrils steamed. "Whoever loses must leave...forever!"

"On my honor as a pig, I accept!" Aloysius said as he firmly shook Orson's hand.

"Orson fighting? Now I'm really afraid..." Wade gulped.

"Tell me about it, dude." Bo added.

* * *

Orson and Aloysius stood face-to-face in the mud hole, where they were ready to...

"Mud wrestling?" said Booker.

"Of course, it's a pig's duel of honor." said Orson. "Now...LET'S DO THIS!"

"You're on, punk!" Aloysius grunted.

The two pigs brawled in an epic mud wrestling match. There was much squealing, oinking, and grunting as they fought each other. But to make a long story short, Orson was triumphant.

"And the winner is...ORSON!" Roy said as he raised Orson's arm of victory.

Everyone cheered and congratulated Orson as they carried him back to the picnic table, leaving Aloysius in the mud.

"That's not right..." Aloysius mumbled in the mud.

"Orson, it's great to have you back, bra." said Bo. "We really missed ya."

"So did I." said Orson. "Look guys, I'm really sorry. It doesn't matter how out-of-control you guys get. From now on, we stick together."

"We're sorry too, man." Bo smiled. "It's probably like, for the best anyways. We haven't been having the best week of our lives either."

"Yeah, Aloysius kept giving me too many demerits." said Wade.

"And people say I'm is the crabby one." Lanolin rolled her eyes.

"That's not right!" Roy exclaimed.

Everyone laughed heartily.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Well, Orson is back on the farm where he belongs. Now, let's go see what other foe Garfield will be outsmarting.**


	3. The World's Worst Houseguest

We open up at the Arbuckle house, where we see Garfield, Jon, Odie, and Lyman lying down on the couch.

"Boy, this sure was a tough day." Jon sighed. "It's tough having to draw a month's worth of cartoons in just one day, but it puts bread on the table."

"Tell me about it." said Lyman. "Making good photos of wildlife is a real drag, especially when those rangers and tourists arrive for camping to ruin the scenery."

"Eating like a pig sure is tough, especially when you have to leave for others." Garfield said in his thoughts.

"Ruff! Ruff!" Odie barked.

"Fine..." Garfield rolled his eyes. "This happens every time I pig out."

Odie began licking Garfield's paws, which smelled of the food he ate.

"I just wanna take a nice shower and fall asleep." Jon yawned. "I can't move a single muscle."

"Well I'm gonna just plop down on this couch and watch some good TV." Lyman said. "Right, Odie?"

"Ruff!" Odie barked.

Just then, the doorbell rang.

"Who could that be?" Jon wondered as he got up from the couch.

He opened up the door and saw a fat man bald man eating a sandwich.

"Hiya Johnny boy!" said the man. "Look at you! So much bigger than when you were one day old."

"Um, do I know you?" Jon raised an eyebrow.

"Oh silly, Johnny! It's me, your dear old Uncle Ed!" said the man. "I was just passing by and I have decided to stay with you for a while."

Jon tried to speak, "Well, I um..."

"Oh thank you, Johnny! You're such a sweetheart!" the man patted Jon on the back and let himself in.

"Hey wait!" Jon went after the man.

Just then, Uncle Ed walked over to the couch and sat right in the middle of it, leaving barely any space for Lyman and the pets.

"Ah, bout time." Ed chuckled.

"Um, who are you?" Lyman asked the man. "And do you mind scooting?"

"Uh guys, this is my Uncle Ed." said Jon. "Apparently, he's going to stay with us for a few days. I didn't even know I had an Uncle Ed."

"Great, another visit from one of Jon's horrible relatives." Garfield thought. "This will definitely end badly."

* * *

Later that day, everyone had gathered together for dinner.

Jon arrived with a plate of roast beef, "Roast beef for everyone."

"You made my favorite, Johnny." said Uncle Ed.

But before Garfield could pick up the food with his fork, Ed grabbed all of it and swallowed the whole thing.

"This is good, but next time, make it medium rare." Ed said as he chewed the food.

"Wow, someone actually beat me to all this delicious food." Garfield thought. "Now I know this is gonna be bad."

Jon placed a bowl of mashed potatoes on the table, "Mashed potatoes..."

Before Garfield could get any, Ed grabbed the potatoes and started eating them all too.

"This is the best." He said as he ate the potatoes.

"I didn't even bring out any gravy." Jon remarked.

Ed snatched the gravy boat out of Jon's hand and started drinking it, much to everyone's disgust.

"Can you put us in a pet kennel until he leaves?" Garfield glared at Jon.

"Ruff!" Odie barked.

"Jon, you're not gonna let that uncle of yours eat all our food like that?" Lyman asked his roommate.

"Yeah, eating all the food is my job." Garfield thought.

"Don't worry, Lyman." said Jon. "Uncle Ed is my uncle and I'm sure he won't stay for long."

Jon didn't know how wrong he was, because the next few days had been a living Hell for all four of the residents.

That night, Jon went to sleep in his bed, but before he could get inside, he saw Ed sleeping in it, snoring up a storm. He went down the hall to the living room and sleep on the couch, only to hear Ed's incessant snoring again. He then went to Lyman's room in the basement, where he saw his roomie and the pets with noise cancelling headphones. He crashed onto Lyman's couch and covered his head with throw pillows.

* * *

The very next day, Garfield, Odie, Jon, and Lyman made a bowl of popcorn and went to the kitchen to watch some TV.

"Our favorite movie is on TV right now, guys." said Jon.

"That's a real breath of fresh air." Garfield said in his thoughts.

But before they could get to the TV, Uncle Ed was right in the chair in his underwear and tank top.

"Um, Uncle Ed..." Jon tapped on his uncle's shoulder. "Do you mind?"

"Oh boy!" Ed said as he grabbed the popcorn and ate it all. "Now make me another batch with more butter."

Later that day, the pizza man arrived with a whole stack of pizza boxes. Garfield opened up the door.

"Excuse me," said the delivery man. "But I have ten pizzas..."

Garfield rubbed his paws together, "Those are mine!"

"...with anchovies." the delivery man finished.

Garfield made a disgusted face, "Those are not mine."

Just then Uncle Ed walked over and took the pizzas from the man's hand. "Pay the man, Johnny!"

Jon reluctantly paid the man, "Don't worry, Garfield. He's gonna leave...soon."

The very next day, things had gotten even worse. Lyman had to use the bathroom, but there was one unfortunate problem, Uncle Ed was inside.

"Hurry up in there, Ed!" Lyman banged on the door. "You've been in there for hours and I really have to go!"

"Be patient, I"m not done!" Ed said from behind.

After over an hour, Uncle Ed finally came out of the bathroom.

"Don't go in there!" Ed laughed.

Lyman sighed, grabbed some spray, and a gas mask and walked inside the bathroom. "That bum had better leave soon."

Over the next two weeks, Ed had eaten everything, forced Jon to pay for all the food he ordered, hogged the bathroom, and hogged pretty much everything in general.

"This has gone far enough!" Lyman told Jon. "Jon, your uncle has got to go!"

"I never thought I'd say this, but Lyman's right." Garfield thought. "That guy is more of a pig than me. I haven't pigged out since he came and when I don't eat, I get frisky!"

"Come on guys, he's not that bad." said Jon.

Just then, Uncle Ed came along, "You know nephew, I was thinking of leaving, but you have been so nice to me, I might as well stay for a few more weeks or months."

"WHAT?!" Jon gasped.

"And would you mind repainting the house? I'm tired of this color." Ed continued. "And could you make prime rib for dinner more often? And pick me up a little list of things while you're at it."

Ed handed Jon a really long list of things, this was the final straw.

"Looks like Jon is about to blast." thought Garfield. "I'd better let him out."

Jon raced out of the house and started screaming. "AAAHHHH! GET HIM OUT! GET HIM OUT!"

"That's all I wanted to hear." Garfield thought. "Come on Odie, we've gotta get rid of an unwanted relative."

"Ruff!" Odie barked.

Garfield and Odie walked to the kitchen, where Uncle Ed was taking everything from the fridge.

"Look at him, Odie." Garfield glared at the bald guy. "Stealing my midday snack. I'll take care of him."

"Ruff?" Odie barked.

"Just follow me." Garfield smirked.

Odie shrugged and followed Garfield to the fridge, where they found a can of whipped cream. Garfield shook the can and filled both his and Odie's mouths with cream.

As Uncle Ed walked over to the living room, Garfield and Odie approached him and started snarling and growling at him with their whipped cream-filled mouths.

"AAAHHH!" Ed screamed and ran to the living room, dropping the food on the floor.

"At last, some snacking for the pets." Garfield thought as he looked down at the food.

"Ruff?" Odie barked.

"Don't worry pal, it's what pets do." Garfield smirked.

Garfield and Odie started to wolf down on all of the food that Ed dropped.

* * *

Meanwhile back in the hallway, Jon and Lyman were talking about Uncle Ed's over extended visit.

"Alright Jon, it's time for you to have a serious confrontation with your uncle." said Lyman.

Jon tried to talk, "But Lyman-"

"No buts, Jon!" Lyman said sternly. "You are going to tell that old fool to get out of here and go home!"

Jon breathed in deeply, "You're right. I'm going to do it!"

Just then, Uncle Ed came running into the room. "Johnny! Your animals have gone crazy! Get rid of those beasts at once!"

"Now just listen here Uncle Ed!" Jon said boldly. "You're going to have to-"

Just then, the doorbell rang before Jon could finish standing up to his uncle. The three walked to the door and revealed a woman with blonde hair.

Ed gasped, "Edna?!"

"Yes, it's me, Ed!" said the woman. "I've been looking all over for you. I should have known you'd try to visit one of our relatives to cheat on your diet."

Garfield, Odie, Jon, and Lyman all looked at each other with confused faces as Edna started scolding Ed.

Ed whined, "But Edna..."

"No buts! You're going home with me and back on 300 calories Ed Arbuckle!" Edna said as she grabbed Ed by the ear and took him away. "I'm terribly sorry for all the trouble he's caused you, Jon. I assure you, I'll make sure he never comes again."

As soon as Jon's aunt and uncle left the house, Jon closed the door and the four roommates sat down on the couch.

"Well that was convenient." Lyman remarked.

"Yeah, I guess everyone has a couple of annoying relatives." Jon shrugged.

"Unfortunately, that's all you have." Garfield thought.

Just then, the doorbell rang again and Jon went to answer it. At it was a fat red-haired old woman with glasses and a tracksuit.

"Hey Jon! It's me, Aunt Ivy!" the woman bitterly said. "I've come to stay with you and that roommate of yours!"

Jon just slammed the door in the woman's face and walked right back to the couch.

"Who was it?" asked Lyman.

"No one important." Jon deadpanned.

 **THE END**

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **I guess blood isn't thicker than water, but Jon sure as heck is. So comes another end to another set of stories with Garfield and his friends, now get ready for a set of love-themed stories for Valentine's Day.**


	4. Epilogue

**EPILOGUE**

Meanwhile, somewhere over in an alleyway, Shecky was approaching his two cohorts, Shelia and Waldo. He banged on the dumpster that they were located in, which resulted in his fellow strays coming out.

"Ah Shecky, I see you have returned." said Shelia.

"Yes Shelia, I have." Shecky nodded.

"So uh, what did they say?" asked Waldo.

"Well Waldo, I'm afraid they said we can't be in the show." Shecky sighed.

"What? Why?!" Shelia gasped.

"Well for one thing, no one would get the 'Garfield Gets Real' references," Shecky explained. "And two, nobody wants some crazy she-cat messing with their favorite couple."

"Oh that is insult to injury!" Shelia hissed as she showed her sharp claws. "I am going to break their necks in two!"

"Whoa, whoa, sister..." Shecky held up his paw against his fellow alley cat. "No need to get all hasty and aggressive."

"Yeah, if you do, I'm gonna tell Garfield." said Waldo.

"Whatever." said Shelia. "Come on! Let's go get us some scraps!"

"Okay..." Shecky and Waldo said as they jumped into the dumpster.

 **END OF EPILOGUE!**


End file.
